In a surprise announcement, Alphabet Inc. informed the public that they would be renaming one of their corporate holdings. Ogle Maps replaces Google Maps as the official title for the popular mapping platform.
Under pressure from the Mump Regime, which insists that the primary purpose of the map app is to spy on people's movements and only secondarily to help them find their way, Alphabet CEO Sundar Pichai said the company would comply. "Yes, your Eminence," he is reported to have replied to the regime. "Your superior intellect has convinced us that this is a fantastic decision."
Earlier reports indicated that the name change was controversial. "What the hell do they know about it?" one board member responded. "You'd think they have more important things to work on. I mean, one of my servants told me they paid $7.50 for a dozen eggs!"
Any dissension was quickly squelched, however. After threats from the Holy Oligarchy, Alphabet decided that Ogle Maps is a perfectly acceptable name for that division of the corporation. "In fact," Pichai commented, "we are considering changing the name of our search engine to Ogle. Our mission is to supply the Regime with as much personal information as we can. Our users need to be protected from themselves."
Formerly the stated mission of Alphabet was"Don't be evil." A spokesman (actually a woman who emphasized the need to dispel any hint of D. E. I. policy) said, "We believe that bowing to the demands of a demigod is the least evil thing we can possibly do."
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Your thoughts are welcome! I'll try not to flinch if there are nasty ones, which I understand are fairly common nowadays.